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It's all spinning wheels and self-doubt until the first pot of coffee.

Feline Defenestration

I'm almost proud, yet considering defenestration:

Our "plus-size" female cat has learned that I tend to get up around 6AM now, and shortly after I get up, I feed her and her brother. She's also learned that jumping onto The Girl's dresser, covered in clinky bottles and delicate things, tends to make me wake instantly and lunge out of bed--sometimes pulling my CPAP mask out of its hose--to retrieve her before she starts knocking things over for the pretty sounds they make.

Now, both our cats tend to start doing restless foraging things when they're hungry. Cabinets open and close, forbidden shelves get jumped upon, running around happens. And, that's why the dresser-jumping started, I think. Unfortunately, this past weekend, I made the mistake of storming down the stairs once and feeding the cats, after having been woken up two hours early by tinkling nail-polish bottles.

Oh ho! She's a fast one, she is. It didn't take her long to make a connection: This morning, she was like a snooze alarm 1/2 hour early. Our bed is positioned such that there's about a 3-foot leap from its end, to the dresser of delicates. She made sure to leap from atop one of my ankles at the foot of the bed and onto the dresser; when I lunged out of bed, she hopped down immediately and ran out of the room. I went back to bed.

Just as I started falling back asleep, she was back, and this time launched onto the dresser using my toes as a platform. Another lunge, another run out of the room. This happened once more before the alarm finally went off, which was good because the sleepy girl lying next to me was probably about ready to defenestrate cat and boyfriend both. When I finally got up, she led me to the food, chirping and mewing smugly the whole way.

Tonight, I sleep with a squirt gun under my pillow.

Archived Comments

  • adampsyche
    Thank you for introducing me to my new favorite word.
  • Jeramey Jannene
    My cat is slowly learning that I need to take my shoes off before I will walk over and pet her when I get home. Your cat seems to be a much quicker learner, that said maybe because food is involved?
  • Dan
    This is why I now have an automatic feeder. Now the cat sits in the kitchen trying to get the feeder to open instead of running around the bedroom trying to get me up.
  • Matt C
    In a weird related note, I can actually remember where I was when I first heard the word defenstration - junior year of high school, a group of us started playing Steve Jackson's "Killer" and upon reading the book, found the suggested manner to bumping someone off via defenestration. Favorite word, indeed - it just edges out lugubrious in my book.
  • nf0
    The water gun works. My cat used to do things just like that, night bordom I guess. Now that we are in a house, she gets put out in the back yard everynight.
  • beth
    our cats used to do this, to the point at which we wanted to skin them. i solved the problem by feeding once when i got home from work and feeding again at bedtime (around midnight). they actually took really well to it after about a month, and now their schedule is such that they let me sleep and get hungry at about 4pm and 10pm. in case of failure of this plan, i keep a spray bottle of water near my bed. good luck.
  • chris w
    i am in a similar situation with my dogs. They arise between 6 and 6:30 and have learned that just walking around together on the hard wood floor is enough to drive us crazy. Click-clack, click-clack. then the second phase of standing up, front paws on the bed poking at us begins. it only stops when we feed them or kick them outside.