Shiny Mudballs

December 3, 2008 – 10:07 pm

The pair boosted forward into the asteroid’s single inset airlock, pulling a cargo sled behind them. It eased into the habitat’s half-gee field, dropping to bump once against the floor plating before settling into a hover.

“Shit, careful with that!” Jim warbled, his comm voice all square-waved. “They won’t take any if a single one is deformed!”

“I know, I know,” said George, “watch your end. Damn, but these creepy critters are picky.”

The outer doors sealed and, after a quick hiss of atmosphere in-rush, the inner doors irised open. Inside, the Customer waited – a glistening and limp de-shelled snail draped across a life-support hover.

Jim unsealed the cargo coffin, neutral gases and coolant spilling away to reveal exactly 38 dorodango. As documented in the triply-verified manifest, one autistic Japanese child had shaped each into sub-micron spherical perfection and a near-mirror finish.

George and Jim left that day with enough money between them to buy their own orbital paradise and retire happy men.

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading ... Loading ...
By l.m.orchard | Posted in | Tagged , , , | Comments (0)

A Burden Shared

December 3, 2008 – 10:07 pm

“Looking for this?” said Cynthia, behind him.

Startled, Philip whirled on her. With a jaw clench, he regained his dignity and held out a hand. Into his palm, she placed a dram of clear liquid in a stoppered glass vial. But, as he began to close his fingers, she closed hers first and grasped his hand, vial and all.

“Were you planning something without me, dear?”

“Why, not at all darling,” he said, struggling for calm. “But, you know, it only really takes one of us to do the final deed. I thought I’d come to you when it was all over.”

“Oh,” she said, staring, never blinking. “Was that your intention?”

“Of course it was.”

“Well, I’d hate to see you troubled with the burden all alone. So, I thought I’d come find you first.”

“What a pair we make – but you’re too considerate.”

“No, I insist we share. We do it together.”

“Very well. I’d hoped to spare you this.”

“Spare me nothing but the end of this charade. Let’s go.”

Philip finished the sandwich and, with Cynthia in tow, carried the platter to the den.

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading ... Loading ...
By l.m.orchard | Posted in | Tagged , , , , , , , | Comments (0)

Always Something Left to Learn

December 3, 2008 – 10:06 pm

He remembered how he’d tossed a crust of sandwich to a lone seagull, one summer long ago.

The poor thing had just been on the losing end of a gang-fight with other seagulls, who’d chased and weaved and battered until it gave up the morsel of trash it had claimed. The new morsel he’d tossed seemed to revive it – a fresh and better prize.

But then, having seen what happened, the rest of the seagulls returned and the fight renewed.

A lifetime later, the scale had changed. But, the principles remained the same.

Skimming through the spatial volume, he witnessed the skirmish in passing. Before his senses, tonnes of food and water were plundered from the tiny cargo ship’s holds, which were left open to vacuum.

In sympathy and with a mere finger-ripple of spacetime, he restored the holds’ contents and sealed the ship. He resuscitated the sophonts left microseconds from death in the void. He carried on his way.

And, in minutes, the fighting resumed. Even in his Transcendence, there were lessons left to learn.

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading ... Loading ...
By l.m.orchard | Posted in | Tagged , , , , | Comments (0)

Offworld Weirdos

December 3, 2008 – 10:06 pm

“You know those things over there are pretty much perverts, right?”

“How do you figure?”

“Well, for starters, that one on the left was hitting on you.”

“Uhm, is that why it kept poking me in the ear when we were at the counter?”

“That’s sort of the Z’arlgagh equivalent of a pickup line.”

“Oh God, I think my bagel’s coming back up.”

“So, yeah, that thing thinks you’re cute. Don’t you think that’s a bit weird?”

“What, me being cute?”

“No, I think you are. But, do you think it’s cute?”

“Christ! No way. It’s got too many tentacles.”

“If you had tentacles, you might be into it.”

“Ugh, that’s so creepy.”

“Don’t you think having just two boney arms and grabby fingers might be a bit creepy to them?”

“Hmm, I suppose.”

“And, you know, every one of them volunteered for the expedition from Z’arlgath.”

“So?”

“They’ve all got fetishes for Earthlings. That’s how they do first contact. And, that’s how they get their weirdos offworld.”

“If those are the weirdos, what the hell are the rest of them like?”

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading ... Loading ...
By l.m.orchard | Posted in | Tagged , , | Comments (0)

The Anomalous Grouch

December 3, 2008 – 10:05 pm

The bridge shuttered and rocked, crew members clinging to their consoles. Behind the Weapons Officer, a conduit suddenly vented steam and showered sparks. Over the din, he cried, “Quantum reflectors down to 70 percent! Particle projectors offline!”

The Captain growled in frustration and pounded his armrest. “Hailing protocols! Get that thing on the horn!”

Another shock wave tossed the starship, knocking the Ensign covering the Science station off his feet—which was lucky, since that console spewed forth sparks shortly after his fall.

“Sir,” shouted the Comm Officer, “we have contact!”

To his feet, the Captain thrust forth a hand in plaintive query: “We mean you no harm! We come in peace as explorers! Why do you attack us?”

A rumble issued from the bridge speakers, slowly resolving into something not unlike a yawn.

“Wha-aat,” said a voice, though the transliterators may have had trouble with the language. “You guys just have no sense of personal space, do you? Can’t a being get some sleep? Bah! Go home!”

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading ... Loading ...
By l.m.orchard | Posted in | Tagged , , , , | Comments (0)

Nanorepair, part 1

December 3, 2008 – 10:05 pm

In anguish, he stared at the surface of the picnic table. Just the day before, this table had been far from perfect. Its surface had been a medley of crisscrossed scratches and flaked paint – a cacophony of glyphs and declarations made by a few decades’ worth of visitation by weather and human hands. But now, the flawless layer of varnish atop the rust-stained wood was slick and reflected his gaze back at him.

With the blade of a pocket knife, he tried gouging a curve into the material. Just like the last try, though, the table’s surface healed back to perfection in seconds. He cried out in frustration and stabbed the knife blade straight into the wood.

As he buried his face in his palms and sobbed, the table rejected the blade. It rose slightly, point pushed smoothly from the wound, to tip and fall over with a small and resonant knock.

Finally, defeated and drained, he stood and began the walk back home. Regretting how he’d left, he hoped his key would still work in the door when he got there.

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading ... Loading ...
By l.m.orchard | Posted in | Tagged , , , , | Comments (0)

Waste not, Want not

December 3, 2008 – 10:03 pm

Mana from Heaven it was, almost literally.

We woke one day to a strange rain, flaming meteorites the size of cars streaking down to blast craters out of fields, streets, and houses. Thousands of them fell over the course of a month, and thousands died from the impacts.

About four weeks after it had started, it was over and we began to investigate the craters. And in those craters, we found canisters containing wonders: Technological artifacts of purpose and complexity just barely outside our comprehension. Carcasses of animals whose body plans and genetics were like nothing we’d ever seen.

In the next year, as we just started to scratch the surface of these mysteries, our world changed forever. Diseases were cured, aging was stopped, and our minds expanded ferociously. We moved out toward the stars, yet never did discover the nature of our astonishing windfall.

The ancient garbage scow lumbered away from the tiny blue-green planet. Its holds were emptied, ready for another load from home.

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading ... Loading ...
By l.m.orchard | Posted in | Tagged , , , , | Comments (0)

BooBooUndo

December 3, 2008 – 10:00 pm

NEW ! The BooBooUndo Button, just $19949.99 from Cronotron Industries!

They said time travel was impossible, but they never met us! The BooBooUndo Button generates up to 15 closed timelike loops, each offering you a quick and easy way to violate causality and get a second crack at your day.

Just push the green button to drop a snapshot anchor, then push the red button later on to select of your open-ended loops. You’ll feel a tingle: That’s how you know it’s working! In just a microsecond, you’ll be back where you started. Feel free to use your uncanny prescience to make life go your way!

Disclaimers: The BooBooUndo Button (referred to here as “the product”) requires invasive elective brain surgery. The product transports information, not solid matter. Cronotron Industries offers no insurance against causality paradoxes or self-obviation. Fifteen (15) charges per device, one (1) device per customer. Overuse can damage your health across all timelines.

For entertainment purposes only.

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading ... Loading ...
By l.m.orchard | Posted in | Tagged , , , , | Comments (0)

The Hush of Battle

December 3, 2008 – 9:59 pm

A trio of men cowered in a trench under the full moon and starry sky. Crickets and night-flying birds were the loudest sounds, drowning out the battle raging in the fields above them. They hoped not to let tell-tale clouds of vapor loose in the chilly midnight air.

Rounds of short, soft electric hums brought twitches out of each of the soldiers. The fighting couldn’t have been more than yards away, if they could hear the weapon fire.

They wanted to scream, roar, or sob—anything but this silence. There were no rumbling war machines, no explosions. A misplaced footfall or cough meant death: Networked targeting computers in their helms could triangulate such a sound in milliseconds—and the enemy helms were just as good.

Once given a target, their beam rifles could eliminate that source of sound with surreal quiet. Near total disintegration accompanied by a gentle hum and a puff of displaced air as molecules went their separate ways.

One of the men did scream, finally, when a pair of boots landed in his lap.

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading ... Loading ...
By l.m.orchard | Posted in | Tagged , , , , , , | Comments (0)

Self-Winding Samaritans

December 3, 2008 – 9:59 pm

When the little toy robots started showing up, I thought they were just part of some urban art project. You know, like those LED signs flipping everyone off in Boston a few years ago? The bomb squad blew them up after they’d already been hanging around for two weeks, then made a show of hauling in the poor saps responsible.

So maybe it was because of how wrong the cops had been then that no one batted an eyelash at the little guys. They perched on garbage cans, street signs, door steps, and parked cars. After a week or so, I could spot at least one of them wherever I went.

Let me rephrase that: There was no place I could go where I wasn’t in sight of at least one of them.

When the first one of them talked to me, it felt like a locked door quietly clicking shut behind me. Actually, it was my apartment’s outside door, and I’d forgotten my keys when I went out for a smoke.

It rested on the steps to my building, eyes glowing amber. In sing-song tones, it said:

“Lock yourself out, friend? I’m here to help.”

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading ... Loading ...
By l.m.orchard | Posted in | Tagged , , , , | Comments (0)